I’ve been struggling to come up with an explanation of how I have felt in the past couple weeks. This morning I read an article on parenting fatigue from a blog I follow, Scary Mommy. I think it described my current state of mind pretty well.
I have been stressed to the max between work, worrying about ill family members, lack of decent sleep, and the constant go-go-go that has been our normal lately. I feel like I need some time for me, more than time for a cup of coffee during a nap time… more than my only true alone time during the day, a bathroom break at work… I need a little time to relax, reset, rejuvenate, without being interrupted every ten seconds, without constantly having an ear cocked listening for a cry… you get the picture. I am not sure I like the term “parenting fatigue,” but it sounds better than “I need a day without a kid crying/time to be in the bathroom alone/sit still for five minutes/do something relaxing or I’m gonna lose my shit.” Now, I don’t want to come across as whiny or entitled. I am tired in a way I have never been tired before.
I have been toying with the idea of taking a day off of work just for myself. But then, I feel guilty. My work responsibilities aren’t being taken care of. That’s eight hours of PTO I may need if Abby gets sick. There’s a whole day of PTO I am trying to accrue for my next maternity leave, spent selfishly on myself. I always just suck it up and move on. But something changed when I walked in the door to work this morning. I felt like I deserve a break. I wake up nine times a night, on average. I take care of everyone else, even when I am sick. I work hard both at home and on the job. I have the means to take a day for myself and I should do it. My wellbeing and mental health is worth it.
I’m sure some, or most of you out there can relate. You can read the article I referred to here:
What do you do when you’re feeling this way?