Ten Things I Didn’t Know Before Having a Kid

Photo by Viktor Hanacek. From http://www.picjumbo.com
  •  How tired I would be ALL.THE.TIME.
  •  Nine times out of ten when someone asks, “Hey, what’s on your shirt?” the answer is boogers.
  • Anytime you think you may be late, you will be exceptionally late.
  • If you make a meal and the kid absolutely loves it and eats it like it’s going out of style, chances are the next time you make it they will act like it is dog poop.
  • Once a kid gets over an illness, watch out, another is on it’s way.  Last week Roseola, this week a cough and runny nose.  I once read a statistic that said on average kids get around 35 colds a year and I didn’t believe it.  Now I do.
  • It is so freaking hard not to laugh or smile sometimes when trying to discipline your child for something they did or said.  Especially when your spouse is on the verge of laughing hysterically.
  • No matter what you are eating or drinking, they will want it.  And macaroni and cheese backwash in your drink is awesome, not.
  • Apparently, The Bee Movie never gets old.
  • Most of my conversations now start with, “Oh my gosh, it was so cute last night when Abby…”  So much for being a great conversationalist. 
  • Wherever you go, they will find you… and have to be right next you or on top of you.  In the bathroom?  Trying to sneak a cookie by yourself in the kitchen?  Cleaning up one of the billion messes they made around the house?  Trying to cook using the hot stove?
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